Objective Jerk
I use my MIC and my platform as a form of "therapy" or "medicine" for myself.
Objective Jerk
EMBRACING CATHOLICISM: Finding Purpose, Battling Depression, and Finding Lasting Peace
Have you ever wondered how discovering a new faith can transform your life? Join me as I recount my profound journey into Catholicism after years of battling depression and the fleeting joys of numerous hobbies. Over the past three weeks, I've experienced a consistent sense of peace and well-being that has deeply impacted my mental health and outlook. This episode promises to share the pivotal moments and personal battles that led me to embrace Catholicism, offering insights and hope for anyone seeking a path to spiritual fulfillment.
In this heartfelt episode, I open up about my quest to understand and immerse myself in Catholic practices. From the first time I attended mass and dressed appropriately for church to the powerful influence of the book "Why Do You Believe in God?", my journey has been filled with learning and growth. I also delve into my initial attempts at praying the rosary, exploring its significance, and the challenges I faced in making it a part of my daily routine. Resources like Catholic YouTube channels and a prayer book have been instrumental in shaping my newfound passion for this faith, which has replaced previous hobbies like music and mountain biking with a lasting sense of purpose.
This episode also explores the vital role of structure and routine, drawing parallels to my disciplined military background. I share how these elements have not only improved my life but also positively influenced those around me. You'll hear about my efforts to include my children in religious practices and my hope to gently guide my wife back to her faith after her mother's passing. As we wrap up, we focus on the importance of perseverance and self-improvement, values that reinforce the strength and unity in family life. Thank you for being part of this journey and sharing in the growth and transformation that Catholicism has brought into my life.
What's going on, everybody. This is the Objective, jerk, and I'm said jerk, how is everyone doing? I am doing pretty good myself. Actually, I think I spoke a little bit about my spiritual journey, which, for those that liked that topic, congratulations, because I'm going to talk about it some more, and for those that didn't, I'm sorry. I will talk about other things as time goes.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm not going to turn this into a Christian channel or a Catholic channel or anything like that. I don't think anyway. But right now I'm just, you know, I just talk about what's going on with me and this is what's going on. You know, I just talk about what's going on with me and this is what's going on, you know, and it's pretty profound and it's pretty exciting and it's special to me, I think, or I know, but anyway, so I gosh, I'm trying to remember what I said in the last podcast, but I found Catholicism right To me. This is, I've been looking and searching.
Speaker 1:Things weren't working quite right, it just wasn't happening. It was almost like I was fighting it. You know, jesus was like right here, dude, right here, here it is Catholicism. Come on, man. And I would just still be like well, let me see this, let me check this out. And you know it is Catholicism, come on, man. And I would just still be like, well, let me see this, let me check this out, and you know it.
Speaker 1:Just it wouldn't work, you know, and I my my depression and and everything would still continue. You know, and I've talked about before how I'd have like my manic bipolar type, you know, I'd be really low and I'd be really high and then when I was in my, my high space or my good space, I would just be like overwhelmed and just be like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, almost like I was on Adderall. You know what I mean and uh, I mean I've never taken Adderall, so I don't know what. But from what I'm, you know, told and everything, and it was kind of annoying to my wife and stuff sometimes, but I was, I was happy because I just I felt good and it's just nice to feel good and not be depressed and feel like crap.
Speaker 1:And so this time around, when, a couple weeks ago, when it finally clicked and I began looking at Catholicism and learning about the church, history and everything and doing the prayers, and it's just I'm still, I feel good and it's I never got that giddy, annoyingly, whatever. But I'm, I'm good and it's. And you know, this has happened a lot in the past where I would kind of feel good and I would like, oh, you know what I'm gonna do. I talk about like the hobbies I would do and so I would be all fully engaged in some hobby, but then it would, it would, it would phase, it, would phase out, it would die out, you know, and I'd get bored and I'd go right back to my depression and everything. And I was afraid that this was going to be one of those things. I was hopeful and I prayed about it and I'm just, I keep going and but here it is almost three weeks now, and usually those kind of giddy, deep, whatever would last about a week. So here I'm three weeks in. I think it's about three weeks, just under three weeks maybe, and I still feel great. You know, I'm praying every day, morning, evening, going to Mass, going to Mass today, today's Sunday, so I'll be going to Mass again and things are going pretty good.
Speaker 1:You know, so far, um, I'm not baptized yet, I haven't um taken communion or anything. So you know, I'm not officially a Catholic but, um, I'm doing everything else that I can to be a Catholic until that point. So you know, I've been to mass a couple times with my kids or whatever, but last week I actually. So here is pretty hot and humid, right, and so I generally don't wear underwear. I go commando because it's just hot for me. I'm not built for this type of weather, but so for church, you know, I wore underwear and I wore an undershirt and I tried to dress, you know, because usually I just look like how I do now, I'm just a bum and then.
Speaker 1:So I got that going on, I or I got some books in the mail I just got done reading. Oh, it's gonna be backwards, I guess on the thing, but it's a. Why do you believe in god? So catholic conversations with skeptics and non-believers? I mean, it's not like a huge book, it's only like 100, 200 pages, 240, 230 pages, but I read it all. Not like a huge book, it's only like 200 pages, 240, 230 pages, but I read it all yesterday Like it was just, it was interesting, entertaining and informative. You know what I mean. Like I enjoyed it a lot.
Speaker 1:Read that reading the Bible, watching basically everything on my YouTube, is Catholic. You know, it's history, it's, it's, it's um, the SSPX, you know, tradition, it's, it's, um. I mean just you know anything and everything about it, really, you know, and it's, it's, it's holding my interest and it's, and it's about it really, you know, and it's holding my interest and it's like kind of fascinating. So I believe that I found my, you know, passion because I've talked about it before that I just I kind of felt like I never quite had passion for something. Yes, I liked music a lot and yes, I played the drums or, you know, I used to draw. You know, there were certain things you know, I really liked mountain biking and they would be in, I don't't know, but it was nothing really that you know something that somebody's passionate about. They are passionate about it like their whole life. When they find it, that's all they do, that's all they talk about. You know what I mean and you always hear, like it's always good to find your passion and I and I I believe that you know, and I believe mine is catholicism and you know I love history, and so there's lots of things to immerse yourself into besides just the Bible. You know what I mean. So it's like you're reading the Bible but you're getting kind of like, because I start to lose focus after like a half hour of reading or less, and when that starts to happen I'll close it, I'll do something else or whatever, and sometimes I'll come back to it or whatever. So, but that's, um, that's kind of what's going on now, you know, and I just I just prayed the rosary for the second time.
Speaker 1:Um, today I didn't have a, a rosy, a rosary that was like anatomically correct, like it was missing some B's that weren't right, because I got this little pamphlet, hold on. So I just went to a Catholic store nearby and just got, like you know, just a basic set of rosary. When I ordered that book I talked about why Do you Believe in God, and stuff like that. Oh, I know I got that with another book. But I also got a Catholic book of prayers. It has all the basic prayers and so it's got the rosary and everything in here. Catholic book of prayers it has all the basic prayers and so it's got the rosary and everything in here. So just to kind of help, you know, educate myself. And I also have this little pamphlet that I don't remember where I got. I think my wife got this for me, but it's like a little piece of paper pamphlet that's made that to teach you how to pray the rosary.
Speaker 1:You know, I had no idea that all the beads mean something and you say these prayers, I mean you do a lot of praying, I just did it. So I did it yesterday, which was my first time, but it was me figuring it out. You know I was like, okay, look in, I got to do this. Okay, I got to go here and then I was like, oh crap, I did it wrong, you know. So I was really kind of figuring it out, so I didn't really pray it correctly Yesterday. I mean, I did it, but it was, it was, it was ugly. I did it today and it was still ugly, but it was much more organized.
Speaker 1:And this book kind of helps too, because it has the rosary, or it has the, the mysteries, the different mysteries that you pray, which, if you know what I'm talking about, you know I'm not going to go into detail about it. But and so you know I went through and I prayed it all pretty good. I got like a Gregorian chant going on on YouTube, you know, just like really low in the background to kind of to drown out like dogs barking or any kind of whatever to distract me drown out like dogs barking or any kind of whatever to distract me. And so I prayed it all the way through. I got done. I look at, you know, the video that I used for my Gregorian chant. It was like 45 minutes.
Speaker 1:It took me 45 minutes to pray the rosary. I mean a lot of that's just because I'm not sufficient. You know, I don't have nothing memorized. I'm still reading the prayers and everything, but it didn't feel like that. It felt like 15, maybe 20 minutes. You know, I got done and did everything and I went and looked and I was like 45 minutes. I was like whoa, I was just kind of like a little blown away by that. It totally felt like closer to 20 minutes and I'm nowhere near being deep in thought in my prayer, you know, because I'm just trying to memorize it, so trying to get it down. So once because you're supposed to have certain things in mind you're supposed to be thinking about, you know the what do you call it? The mysteries. You're supposed to like be thinking about that as you're saying the prayer, but I'm still trying to learn the prayers and stuff, so I'm not doing a whole lot of really deep connected connection with, you know, jesus or the Mother Mary or anything like that. You know, I'm just kind of learning, so I assume, and I'm pretty sure, as time goes on, the more I do it, the smoother it will go, and it'll probably take me about 20 minutes, I'm guessing 25 minutes maybe or something, who knows. But anyway, so that's what's kind of going on with me, so yeah, so that's me in a nutshell.
Speaker 1:Basically, from the last podcast I did, I had a lot of downloads from somebody. It kind of makes me a little worried because it wasn't like I don't know. It looks like somebody went in and downloaded a bunch of episodes, which is cool. Maybe they're like, oh, maybe they listened to an episode. They're like, oh, I kind of like this guy and so they listened to some other ones. I hope that's what it is, but I don't know. I feel like maybe somebody watched something like this guy's an idiot and they're doing research to do like a hit piece.
Speaker 1:Not that I'm anybody that's worthy of getting a hit piece done, but you know what I mean. I'm a little I'm trying to be a good Catholic and and and love everybody and not be so untrusting, and you know. But it's. You know it's going to take a while for me to to get rid of my old habits, you know. But but yeah, and then let's see what else. What else? Oh, so I kind of figured, or I picked.
Speaker 1:I spent one day just researching all the saints this was last week or something and so I came. I'm kind of like I mean, you can have more than one saint, I guess. But I'm kind of picking Dymphna, I think I talked about it before. Right, who's like the patron saint of, you know, mental illness, depression, anxiety, all you know, all that stuff. But you know, I was kind of thinking about it. I was like, well, isn't that just basically the, the devil? You know what I mean? Like all the depression and all that stuff is a demon on your shoulder. You know what I mean, so to speak. Anyway, I don't know so, but I mean I do. I figure that's.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm not, I'm retired. There's no saint, the patron saint of retirement, or maybe there is, but I just haven't found it yet. But you know, there's patron saints for soldiers maybe, like when I was a soldier traveling this and that. But like I have Benedict, I have the, just a small little pendant pendant of Benedict, st Benedict, on my thing, cause there's not that's. I guess he's one of the most popular ones, but anyway.
Speaker 1:But yeah, see, there's, there's so much. There's so much history and so much tradition in the Catholic church that it's so much history and so much tradition in the catholic church that it's, it's. You can stay, you know, you can watch. I mean it's there's so many different things that keep you busy with it, which is great for me. You know, like doing the rosary, you say hail mary, 40 times one, two, three, two, three, four, five, 50, 60 times whatever.
Speaker 1:Um, and, but my brain works good with structure, even if it's boring. You know what I mean. Like I have to have structure. That's why the military was actually good for me, and I see that now. At the time maybe it was a little annoying, but I actually kind of excelled in the stupid tedious things that other people hated. You know what I mean. Like I liked that I had to iron my uniform this is before they changed their uniform, but I liked that I had to iron my uniform and polish my boots and everything and they were to look good every day when you work the road.
Speaker 1:So, like as an MP. So you know, in the army, you, you know you're you're an infantryman or you're a soldier, first, right, and then you're whatever your MOS was. Well, for me it was an MP. So you know we would have a month of or more, but but of working the roads, patrolling, working as like a police officer, right, and then you would have like a month of being at the company just doing the normal routine, um day-to-day things that you have to do, and then you have training and then you go to the field and different stuff like that. So as and you know all of that kind of worked in my favor too, as always, kind of there was always something to do and there was always. It always kind of changed. You never got complacent, you know what I mean. And just when you're kind of getting tired of working shift work, working nights or whatever working the road, you're getting rotated off to work at the company and then it's you know it's a change of pace and it's a different everything.
Speaker 1:So it was, it was actually really good for me I also. Well, like I said, the um, some of the, the small details, was helpful for me. So, like I said, the, you know. I mean, granted, I was new and a lot of the individuals in my platoon at the time they were stop loss, so they were about to get out, but they ended up getting stop loss because of the war in Iraq, so they were just disgruntled, they didn't care. I get it, you know.
Speaker 1:But so I get to the company and they're all younger than me actually, cause I joined a little older, but you know, I'm the new guy and I'm ironing my uniform and I'm polishing my boots, and then I show up to roll call, before you know formation, before your shift, and if you have an extra person, the squad leader would, you know, pick the person that has the best uniform or whatever, and then he gets a day off, right, and so I think I talked about this before. So I got that a few times. But then it got to the point where, okay, we can't keep letting the new guy have a day off, um, but at the same time they can't. Just the other guys had to step up, you know. So it was like I'm assuming the squad leader or whatever was like, hey, you guys need to step up your game a little bit with the uniforms, because the new guy is blowing you guys out of the water as far as the uniform, but he needs to work, he needs the experience, he needs the training, but it's, you know, to not give him the day off because of his uniform, you know, is is not right either. So it's like so. Then, you know, slowly, some people started kind of polishing, looking a little bit better, just enough to be like, okay, you're gonna go home and I would still get my days off sometimes, you know, but I needed to work. I couldn't just not work and not get experience, you know, but so little things like that do kind of are good for the way my brain works, I guess. So doing the rosary, as tedious as it might seem, there it's, it's, it's structured, you know, all these, not all the beads, but the big beads, they all mean you all do something, except it's missing one right here, though usually there's like a, a pendant right here or something like that. But, um, other than that, it's all good. So it's it kind of it helps me. But that's what's going on with me. So now I'm gonna have, uh, all my boys go to the mass with me today. All my boys go to the mass with me today.
Speaker 1:What's funny, though, is, like my wife, who? She? She's Catholic. She grew up going to Catholic school, going to mass. She was baptized, you know, receiving communion and all that kind of stuff, but she is kind of not interested right now. I think a lot of it is from her mother passing away and the way it happened and everything. So I think she's a little reluctant to give herself back to Jesus and immerse herself back into Catholicism and everything to Jesus and immerse herself back into Catholicism and everything. But I'm going to, you know, that's one of my goals is to get her back into it, but I'm not going to force it, you know. I'm going to just kind of let her. So that's why I'm just, you know, going to church with the kids Get us baptized.
Speaker 1:Once I have the rosary down, I'm going to start teaching the kids that pray the rosary. Um, it's gonna have to be at night. I was thinking about doing it in the morning, before school, but there's not gonna be enough time, um. But yeah, just kind of. You know, I have like a little prayer corner for myself and we have kind of like a remembrance like all our family members that have passed. We have pictures and there's like a cross and stuff like that. But I want to make it a little nicer, a little more of a prayer. I can't think of the word right now, but you know a little what they call a prayer corner or a prayer sanctuary Not sanctuary, but I can't think of the word right now, but you know a little what they call a prayer corner, a prayer sanctuary not sanctuary, but I can't think of the word right now, but anyway, so, thinking about all that kind of stuff, but it's, it's, it's keeping me, it's keeping me occupied.
Speaker 1:You know, I this whole time, trying to find God and which religion was right, I found myself losing interest in movies and music, all the things I used to love, and I thought it was my depression and stuff. But I kind of I think now that it was actually God being like dude, this, this is the crap that doesn't matter. This crap doesn't matter, this is not what truly matters. So it's like he gave me a blessing of losing interest in the things I used to love, which was the paganism in me. My whole life I spent in the movies and music and all that kind of stuff. Where did it get me? I mean, my life is great, great. I'm married with three boys, we're all healthy, we're all good and I'm miserable. Like what's that about? That's what the crap you know? So obviously that's not working for me, so it wasn't so obvious to me at the time and it took a minute for it to hit me and for it to come around, but it did, and I'm very happy that it did.
Speaker 1:Every day, just keep keep trucking, keep praying, keep researching, keep learning, try to better myself and try to share that with my kids and my wife and everything so. But yeah, so that's all that's going with me. Um, I just got a message from the wife. I gotta do something, so I'm gonna cut it here. It's pretty close to my normal time anyway. So thanks for listening. I appreciate you and, uh, god bless, all right, bye.
