Objective Jerk
Army Veteran Asshole that is learning to love Jesus. I use my MIC / Platform as a form of "Therapy", no schedule, no script, just whatever is floating my boat at the moment.
Objective Jerk
STORY TIME! A Day in Iraq, Podcasting Challenges, Military Memories, and Unexpected Allies
The podcast episode reflects on a soldier’s experiences in Iraq, revealing both the serious and absurd aspects of military life. Through personal stories, the host discusses challenges faced in conflict, the camaraderie among troops, and how humor often emerges amid tragedy.
• Technical difficulties with audio recording equipment
• Rebuilding the Iraqi police force after invasion
• Encountering a tragic murder during patrol
• The lighter side of military experiences amidst darkness
• Challenges of IBS while serving in combat
• Reflections on reliance on night vision technology
• Importance of finding humor in tough situations
There it goes. Okay, story time. Who was that guy that used to do that Story time? Anyway, this is the Objective Jerk, and I'm a said jerk. You guys want to know how stupid I am. I will share how stupid I am.
Speaker 1:So I did the last podcast with the headphones, but I don't know what's going on. But for some reason it just didn't work right with the video program that I have for my computer and it's like tap record is what it's called. So that's why I've been recording all my podcasts video-wise and like any kind of videos I take on my computer and stuff and all that kind of stuff. That's what I use. Well, so my last podcast, the podcast, the audio was fine. Okay, the audio, okay, how do I explain this? So, on the actual, so you have the podcast and then you have the video cast. I guess you would call Let me just split it up that way, right? So the podcast sounded fine, but the video cast did not, and it was the audio of the video cast that had like a weird something going on. So I was like what's going on? You know, I listened to it and I shared it, but I'm like man, it sounds like crap. So I've been playing around trying to figure out, did a couple tests, couldn't get it to work right. It doesn't work for some reason. But I was going to just be like you know. Know, I'm just gonna do like I have been, but I did.
Speaker 1:I did kind of like having the headphones to kind of control my, you know enunciation, my, my, you know vocal flex and everything, because when I start, um, you know, I start talking with the podcast. On the podcast, I'll just I'm like Trump, I just kind of I'll start talking about something and I don't finish and I move on to something else and whatever. I'm all over the place, right, but with the microphone I can hear myself, so it kind of helps keep me in check. I think I can hear myself, so it kind of helps keep me in check, I think. So I'm going to keep trying with the headphones and just see how that works. Plus, I look more like a podcaster, right, so anyway, so I was looking how, what else can I do? How else can I record this and that? Now, keep in mind, I have a Mac and I use GarageBand to record my podcast and I have iMovie to process my videos somehow. And you know, I'm not I'm stupid, but I'm not. I mean I'm, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I did research, I looked into stuff, but somehow I missed the fact that iMovie can record on a webcam. So I was just like what the crap? I was like seriously. So I just got that ready and I got it set up. I did a test run and it seems to work fine. Now it's mirrored differently. So now the whole thing is going to look different than how most people are used to it. So it's so now if I hold something up to the screen, like this pain reliever, whatever you'll be able to read it before it was reversed. You'll be able to read it before it was reversed, and you know. So I don't know how I missed that. I don't know how I never read that or caught that. I don't know, and that's what I mean by I'm stupid and I'm retarded. So this is kind of a test run. I just wanted to record a podcast, yeah, to test it, test it out, see how it sounds. Plus, I have so much time. Like I said, I don't have anything to talk about, so I'm just going to share a story. I don't think I've talked about it before.
Speaker 1:So I was in the army spent two years in Iraq, not consecutively, but on my first tour, which was 2003 to 2004. So I went there, like right after the invasion. I was not there when we invaded I'm not that cool. I was, you know, like a week or two weeks afterward we came, but this was, I don't know, I don't remember exactly when, but we were already in there for a while and at this point in time, like, our job was to help establish, re-establish the Iraqi police, because, for those that don't know, when we invaded iraq, um, basically the whole country just shut down, they let out all the prisoners out of the prisons and they just let you know, like the summer of love, basically, but worse happened in iraq.
Speaker 1:So when we get there, you know, um, police stations are burned out and looted and all this kind of stuff, and there's no police because there was no support and it was just, you know, it was a big mess picture, like, you know, la or Illinois and um, so that was one that was our, one of our, our jobs as MPs was was, I remember, like one of the first things we had to do was we got grid coordinates for um police stations that were, you know, active before the invasion, and so we had to go and locate those and then verify that, yes, those were police stations. I remember doing that for the first little while. And then, you know, they helped establish the police again, they hired the old police officers or whatever, got things going again, got the police stations, you know, remodeled, built up again and fortified and all that kind of stuff, right. And so then, once all that was done, so this, this story that I'm telling, probably happened towards the end, because this was when we were patrolling with the Iraqi police. So we would patrol like two. At first it was just two trucks, two Humvees at a time. But then which is crazy if you think about it now, but I don't remember if it was three after a while I was like, okay, a whole squad had to go out or something.
Speaker 1:But, um, because at first it wasn't, you know, there wasn't a whole lot of um threats towards us. I don't know people were scared or well, I mean generally, you know it was just the people that were there, so there wasn't a whole lot of stuff going on. There might have been a few here and there. Oh man, okay, great, now I'm just ruining my podcast. Yeah, so they're also in line. Because there's these fucking people that were ordering and they don't even know what they want yet. So they just fucking sit there in front of the register trying to figure out what the fuck do they want to order. Okay, oh, okay. No, it's fine, I'm recording a podcast, so I'm not in a rush. Okay, all right, love you Bye.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I'll leave that in or not. My wife's got a little bit of a sailor's what do you call it? Sailor's? She likes to say the F word. Obviously Not that I don't, I can't criticize, but anyway.
Speaker 1:So Damn it, where was I at? Oh yeah, so when we first get there, there wasn't a whole lot of. There might have been a few here and there. You know, people that were let out of prison and whatever Wanted to kind of shoot at us or something. I mean there was some shooting and this and that, but there wasn't a whole lot at first. And you know I mean stuff did happen. I'm recording man, I'm going to title this episode Interrupted, but there wasn't a whole lot going on. But then, after we were there for a while, you know, then that's like when terrorists started coming to Iraq because they knew there was American soldiers there and so on and so forth. So at first we were just basically after the initial invasion, most of the soldiers were taken out and that's probably who we were fighting. It was just soldiers who gave up and were just kind of becoming like militia-type forces or whatever, because it was just like all we were doing was just being police. We were just finding bad guys and putting them in jail and this and that, making reports. So that's basically what it ended up kind of becoming towards the end when we were there.
Speaker 1:And then from when I left in 2004 march of 2004 to 2000, when did I go back? It was the end of 2005. It seems like it was longer than that, though maybe not. Though, yeah, because 2000 that's when I got married. That's when I got married, yeah, and then I remember celebrating. I remember Christmas there, anyway. So between those two times is when you know they started importing terrorists and tactics and equipment and everything and starting to really attack American soldiers. So by the time I went back, shit was crazy and you know I was the recipient of one of those crazy things I think I've talked about, but that's not what I'm here talking about. So, anyway. So the first time I was there.
Speaker 1:So we, here we are. You know, a lot of the Iraqi police stations are are are back on track. You know they've been reformed, rebuilt and they have Iraqi police that they're they rehired, they have Iraqi police that they're training and all this kind of stuff. So we would go on patrols with some Iraqi police. So it's like I think it was like three, three of us, so like three Humvees and then like an Iraqi truck or two, and we would drive to various Iraqi police stations just make sure things are going good, things are in order, whatever, um, and then just go with them on any kind of like calls that they had to go on Right.
Speaker 1:So there was one in particular. It was during the day, I remember, and they had gotten a report that there was a dead woman that had been murdered right in some bushes or whatever. So we had to go, they had to go check it out and we went with them and it was. It ended up being like a middle-aged woman. She was in her like full um, oh, what's it called? Oh, man, you know the whole the black sheet thing that muslims wear. I can't think what it's called right now, but she was wearing that, but she was, you know, in like a little stream, I remember it was like there was a little bit of water, um, and she'd been dead a few days and she stunk bad. It was gross. I felt bad for her.
Speaker 1:So she was raped and murdered. Come to find out, I think. Well, obviously she was murdered, but I don't remember the details. I want to say raped, I think you know we. But because I mean we helped them with that but we didn't do the investigations and stuff Like the Iraqi police. Still, if they did, I mean we helped them with that, but like we didn't, you know, we didn't do like the investigations and stuff Like the Iraqi police. Still, if they did, I don't know, probably not, they probably just made the report and assumed, or I don't think they did like an autopsy or anything. Maybe they did, but I doubt it. Anyway, so we go there, we find, you know, they do ask some questions and stuff like that. I remember the Iraqi police and our you know squad leader and the interpreters and stuff asking a few questions.
Speaker 1:But I was, you know, specialist at that time, I think maybe PFC, but I think it was a specialist, I don't know, somewhere around there, and so you, I, had to do the dirty work, and we, me and I don't know some I don't remember exactly who I just I know I was there. I don't remember if any of my battle buddies were there, I'm sure they were. Maybe they weren't, I don't know, might have been just Iraqi, I don't know. But I just remember rolling this lady onto like a blanket or a sheet of some kind, and you know, we all picked her up, four of us, maybe even a few more, and, you know, carried her over to the little Toyota pickup truck that was the Iraqi police, put her in the bed of the truck Toyota pickup truck, that was the Iraqi police, put her in the bed of the truck, and then we escorted them, or went with them to the closest hospital, to, you know, transfer over to the morgue, right. And this poor lady, she stunk so bad and she was heavy, though too, she was kind of big. I mean, obviously she's a little bloated and stuff, but I don't think bloating really adds weight, doesn't? I don't know, I'm not a, I'm not a biologist, I only know what women are.
Speaker 1:But I just remember, you know, driving to the hospital, traffic always sucked certain places and we were driving behind the truck that was transporting the girl, the woman, and there was, you know, a couple Iraqi police sitting in the bed of the truck with her. And we're just kind of sitting there waiting and I remember just seeing, you know, just some civilians just walking by on the sidewalk right Now for those that are just listening on the podcast, you know, I guess it's not really that big a difference. Anyway, so they're walking down the sidewalk and they're just walking, talking, doing whatever, and then all of a sudden they just have this horrible. They react like crazy. You know, they smelt her and it just hit her like a punch in the face and they're just like grossed out. They're looking around, they're trying to figure out what it is. They don't know what it is. They keep walking, walking, and it happened a couple times, but we were just we just kind of sitting there laughing, thought it was. I mean, it was. It's a messed up situation. It's sad, but it's kind of funny.
Speaker 1:Um, but yeah, so that's that's one story. What time? I man? 15 minutes. Uh, let's see, I have a bunch of little stories. What else do I got?
Speaker 1:I hated um, so I have like about, I think, ibs. I have a type of IBS, a form of IBS or whatever. So if I'm stressed out, it goes on full blast. You know what I mean. Like I I don't know, like you know how I mean sometimes I don't know like I remember a time when you could kind of be like, oh man, I gotta poop. I can feel it coming, I'm gonna have to poop or whatever. You know what I mean. Or, and for most people, sorry, this is turning gross, but you know, you can kind of feel it come and you're like, oh man, I might have to, you know, but for me it's like I'm fine, I don't have to shit, and then all of a sudden, two seconds later, oh crap, I'm going to shit my pants, like it would just come from out of nowhere. And it still happens. But so that was kind of a problem for me being in Iraq, right.
Speaker 1:So I, going on missions, I always had toilet paper, I always had baby wipes, and whenever we would stop at a FOB forward operating base or you know any, any kind of whatever where we were kind of stopping and like, chilling, we were behind some security measures, shopping, and like, chilling, we were behind some security measures, some guards or whatever, I would use the bathroom, whether I had to or not. I would just go and I would sit and I would try and use the bathroom because I didn't want the shit to hit the fan. Literally, when the shit hit the fan, you know what I mean I didn't want to be in that position. Something's going on and I'm like I mean, you know, when shit gets crazy, you, you know you're you pucker your ass, I guess, but sometimes, you know, people have shit their pants. So I definitely did not want that to happen, right? Um, so that was kind of like my habit that I made or did, was every time we were somewhere, whether I had to use the bathroom or not, I would go in there and make it happen. Let's see where am I at 17? Wow, okay, I gotta figure out a longer story.
Speaker 1:I have a bunch of stories. I've said some of them, but I don't know, I don't want to regurgitate the same, the same stories all the time. Um, maybe something funny. I mean, you know there's. There was the plane crash, right, that happened a while ago the helicopter, the black hawk that ran into the helicopter and and people you know are like how can you not see it like? I can kind of get it, because looking through night vision although I don't know how long she was wearing night vision at that time but I can attest from experience that when you look through night vision, especially for like a long period of time, you start seeing shit.
Speaker 1:You know, I remember when we first got to Iraq and we first found our area of operations that we were, as a company, going to build, so like we found an old, abandoned like school, I think it was like a junior high or something and we basically took over it and we built up, fortified the walls, we had housing and and a talk for you know, the battalion or not battalion for the company, and we had a little little mess hall, chow hall, area to parker. You know it was a whole little compound right and it was just an old school. I think they were like hey, our commander was like hey, go check out these areas, these are open to possibly be used. And we did and we found this one and that's where we stayed. So when we first got there, there was nothing. We were eating MREs, we were shitting in, you know, bucket, I don't know. Like it's funny. You know I talk about having the shit all the time, but I don't really remember at that time.
Speaker 1:I remember later, eventually, once we got some stuff built, but that was kind of the first thing was, you know, we had to. We had to do a couple of missions, we had to have some people doing some things, getting some things done. We had to do a couple missions, we had to have some people doing some things, getting some things done, but for the most part the company was working on building a home, essentially, and we had to fortify our perimeter, our gates, our security and all that stuff. So when we first got there we didn't have any kind of whatever. So that was, you know, part of the job was doing security and I remember being night, so we had to spend the whole night, 12 hour shift, right Sitting at our Humvee, my team front entrance, keeping an eye out for anything right, and it's dark and there's no power in Iraq at that time, or not much or so.
Speaker 1:I think it was rolling blackout, like sometimes there would be some lights, but where we were at it was like it was pitch dark, right. So I had a lot of night vision time and you sit there and you're just kind of looking and you're watching for stuff. You see dogs, you know, and whatever this and that. And then you start to see things. You're like man that looks like somebody, and you'll just be sitting there and you're like, oh my gosh, I think someone's there. Someone's there. And then you get like, hey, hey, come here, look, do you see, you see the whatever this and that, and you know I mean, and then so you have to take, you got to take a break, because it gets hard. Um, it starts the shadows and the weird lighting and everything's green and black and it starts to play with your eyes a little bit. So, um, so I can kind of understand how the pilot maybe didn't see the plane exactly, or yeah, but then the you know she had her co-pilot and other people. So that whole thing is just still weird to me.
Speaker 1:But nothing much has come out afterward now. It's just I don't know so much went wrong. She was either a horrible pilot or she did it on purpose. I think. I don't know what. Do you think they were way above the height requirement they're supposed to be. They were way off course. They said they were warned of the plane, but they think they were looking at the wrong plane. I don't know man, it just didn't seem right Maybe, I don't know who knows. It's kind of crazy though, but I haven't heard much about that recently. But I just, I don't know who knows, it's kind of crazy though, but I haven't heard much about that recently.
Speaker 1:But I just, I don't know, trying to talk about night vision goggles 22 minutes, so I have to go to at least 23,. Let's see what's going on with me. Anyway, you know you can contact me. There's like a fan mail, I think it's called on the podcast, so you can make a comment that way. Obviously, the videos, you can make comments, and there's the email, theobjectivejerk at gmailcom. I used to share that all the time. I don't anymore. But yeah, email theobjectivejerk at gmailcom.
Speaker 1:What else is going on with me? I think that's it, man. See, I can hear just now, when I turned away to talk, I could you know. So I'm trying to stay close to the microphone and not scream and yell, and just try and be like a nice soothing voice, not monotone, but just, you know, not annoying. So I'm working on it.
Speaker 1:Okay, the little feedback that I do get, I'm trying to work on it. So again, I apologize for the previous episode. I know videos on the video side the audio is not very good, so it's probably not gonna do very well, but that's right. You know, learn from your mistakes, right, anyway. So that's kind of it. This was just kind of a test, but I, you know, I figured I might as well make a podcast out of it. So I appreciate you listening and hanging out with me. I I welcome feedback, you know, as long as it's within reason and not stupid. But any feedback, any comments are welcome. Really, I actually enjoy the trolls and the haters. It's kind of funny. But yeah, so hit me up on my email, theobjectivejerk at gmailcom. Make a comment. Whichever, thanks for hanging out, god bless and I will see you guys next time. All right, bye.
