Objective Jerk
Catholic Army Veteran, uses MIC / Platform as a form of "Therapy", no schedule, no script, no pressure.
Objective Jerk
MARIO KART: Real Life Philippine Edition
The Objective Jerk shares his frustrations about bureaucracy and driving in the Philippines compared to the United States. He details the cultural differences and challenges of navigating government systems as an expat.
• Stopped trying to record podcasts on a schedule and now only records when something bothers him
• Detailed experience getting a driver's license at the Philippines' Land Transportation Office (LTO)
• Discovered that many annoying driving behaviors are actually taught and endorsed officially
• Explained how Filipino drivers use headlight flashing for multiple purposes unlike in the US
• Described the frustration of dealing with incomplete information from government offices
• Shared experiences with traffic chaos, including drivers blocking roads and making dangerous turns
• Explained the complicated addressing system in the Philippines that differs from Western standards
• Asked international listeners about their experiences with driving and bureaucracy abroad
Again, thanks for hanging out with me!
Please feel free to comment or send an email to theobjectivejerk@gmail.com
What's going on. This is the Objective Jerk. You're listening to the Objective Jerk and I am said jerk man, I'm trying to start a new whatever and it's just not working. It's been a minute since I've recorded anything, mainly just because I haven't. I'm not like in the mood to talk, you know I haven't. I'm not like in the mood to talk, you know it's so.
Speaker 1:I used to try, and, you know, do a recording like once a week, or I would do every whatever I don't know, just to kind of, because that's what they used to say Like when I first started and I was like I'm going to see if I can do this, do a regular, you know basis to kind of get people like people who will follow individuals is because you know they're, it's like a schedule, it's a regular kind of thing, and but I don't know, I just I didn't like doing that and then I got to I'm not, I'm not a youtuber, I'm not any of that kind of stuff. I'm barely even a podcaster. Yes, I have a podcast, but it's more for myself, just like a little therapy, like I've always said. And I heard my dogs barking oh man. So gosh, dang it, dude. I am having a horrible day today. Oh, my kids are home all for lunch, okay, I got a little camera out there, so okay, so you see me, let me make sure my door is locked. This is the second time I started this podcast today and it's gotten messed up, um, anyway, so I, anyway.
Speaker 1:So I, you know, I quit doing a podcast. I quit, you know, trying to force episodes. I wasn't trying to find stuff. I'm not, you know, researching and doing the stuff. I'm just if I see something and I want to talk about it, that's kind of, you know. Or if something's going on with me and I want to talk about it, and I record it. Or if something's going on with me and I want to talk about it and I record it, that's it. It's about the easiest, most lazy podcast slash, whatever you could do, you know, which is why I got like 10 listeners, you know, but that's fine, I don't care.
Speaker 1:Like I said, I'm not trying to be the next Rogan or the next who's a big YouTuber, um, what's his name? Beast, right, I'm. Just Gives me something to do sometimes and Gives me to let a little steam, let off a little steam. So, Anyway, but you know, sometimes I will See, or something in the news or something, and it'll make me like I want to talk about it, but it's not really. I can't, you know, just talk about that one thing and spread it out through the whole podcast. So I'll just kind of write down a couple topics, so then when I'm ready to talk, or whatever, then it's like okay, I got something to talk about. So that's kind of what I've been doing, I don't know, for the last few months. Sometimes I'll just write down oh okay, I can talk about this, I want to talk about this, or whatever. So then I always have a little something, and so that's kind of what I was planning. I was planning on actually talking about my little list here the other day, but then it's just, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Things have been kind of busy, because I don't like to. I did one podcast I think it was actually my last one. My wife was sleeping in the room. It was like late at night, which is kind of rare for me. Now I don't stay up late. I don't like to record it with anybody in here, because I find myself like self-editing, you know so, and I don't want to do that. I just want to be as genuine as possible. And so I just, you know, I locked my door, like just now, and my kids probably just come and let me know. You know they're having lunch or whatever and, um, I do my podcast, right.
Speaker 1:Um, when I'm kind of wham and I do my podcast, right, wham, I'm kind of wham, I just said wham, I meant to say man, wow, wow and man put together, but, like I said, it wasn't nothing was really jumping out at me. So I'll take my notes. Sometimes I kind of feel like doing it and then I'll just do it off of that or something that kind of comes up and it just makes me. Oh, I just got to bitch and complain and I've been trying. I tried to record yesterday and then I tried recording earlier about me getting my license here.
Speaker 1:So I, first of all, you know any city-ran government ran facility, whether it's like the DMV or I don't know school police, whatever, it sucks, right, you go there, you know, stand in line all day to get your license or your license plates or whatever, right, I'm using the dmv because it's kind of where I was at, so it sucks, I don't even have any snot, but I can just kind of like in the back of my throat. Um, so in the states, okay, and then I'm trying to like, do this nicely. I'm trying to be nice, but I can only so. My experience is here in the states. So, as far as you know, the dmv goes, so that's only my only comparison. Um, I'm sure there are countries that are better than the states and there are countries that are worse than philippines, but you know, I can only talk about what I know.
Speaker 1:So in the States, yeah, you could be there for a while and wait in line, wait for your number, and it sucks, but it's still, for the most part, organized and the information is readily available for you. And what I mean by that is the information on whatever it is you need to do or bring to the DMV is you can get it on the website, or they tell you, or they got pieces of paper here to make sure you bring this. Whatever right Like if you go like, let's say, you're going to the DMV, you stop by and you're like well, I can't really go in, but I, you know, I'm doing this. They're like well, I can't really go in, but I'm doing this. They're like, well, here they give you a paper to get a new license or whatever. This is what you need to bring. You can go online, you can check all that kind of stuff here in the Philippines.
Speaker 1:It is retarded. I mean to say in a word yes, they have some things that you know. You go there and they list some stuff that you might need, but it's kind of hard to find the stuff that you have to have. And this is and I'm talking about this because, to be honest with you, it wasn't so much with the DMV, I'll get into that a little bit but it was also my son's college Like just some stupid crap with that. And it's just between the DMV, which they call the LTO, land Transportation Office, and his school was like, dude I, you know those videos of liberals where they're just like on TikTok and they record themselves like freaking out and screaming or they're screaming in the woods and all that kind of. I felt like doing that. I mean I wasn't going to make a video about it, but like that frustration, all the liberals after Trump won I felt that I was just like, oh my gosh. So I got my license, thank goodness, finally that took.
Speaker 1:I had to jump through some hoops for that it seemed like, but it was. It's just kind of crazy, because Filipinos they don't. They're not I've said it before like the language and everything. There's no details in the information. When you pass on, they just kind of say something and it's like you're expected to know the details and you have to like pull it out of them.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to think, like I can't think of an example of that with the DMV or the LTO, but like with my son's school, so they missed a bunch of school because of a training bomb threat I was going to talk about that too on another podcast, but I didn't and then with the weather and everything. So they have to fill out a release form. They have a different word for it, I just can't think of it right now. But so basically he has to fill out a form stating that they're going to do extra school days, like some Sundays or whatever, to make up for those days. Right, because they go to college on Saturdays too, which is fine. But I guess they had so many problems with parents and some maybe kids were lying about when they had to go to school and they didn't go to school, and so parents complained, I don't know.
Speaker 1:So he has to fill out a form and then he had to take a photocopy of mine and my wife's driver's license and we had to sign it to say basically that, yeah, okay, we know about it and we approve, or whatever. You know what I mean. So they tell him hey, I need a copy of their ID and they need to sign it. That's what he was told, right. So he fills it out. I made a photocopy and they need to sign it. That's what he was told, right. So he fills it out. I made a photocopy and gave it to him and then we signed it.
Speaker 1:Then he comes back today and they're like oh well, we need front and back and we need three signatures, and it's just like that happens like every single time, and I got to work on it myself too, I don't know, but it's like they never give you all the information. Or like from my kids, like the high school, they're like hey, we need a letter for this, and that's you know. They don't say make sure it has this, this and this, it needs to have that. They just say hey, we need a letter excusing whatever. We need a letter for this. So then we do one, like, oh well, it's got to have this. So then, okay, we do that, we give it, oh, and it's got to have this too.
Speaker 1:It's like, holy shit, man, what does it need? Everything, like they don't know how to like this is what we need, and they don't know how to give out the details that it needs. You know what I mean. And it's so frustrating because it just happens all the time. I mean, I have kind of learned a little bit, because there's some times where my wife is like, hey, do this. And I'm like, hold on, well, what you know I've because I've done it before, right, okay, here's the letter, and then I send it back, and then I just back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It's like holy crap, what are all the parameters to this? Like it's just, it's insane, it's just, oh, my gosh, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Anyway, so with the DMV or the LTO, let's see, we went there. I think actually everything was not not bad, except for the very end, which I'll get to in a second. But so I had to take a written test, right, and I was a little worried, just because signs are different here and it's like meters as opposed to feet. So I was like, oh man, okay, I got to make sure I know what meters, and so my wife had like a little practice, whatever to kind of to. You know, get a few of the questions down before.
Speaker 1:And I just want to say that, for those that listen to me know my pain when it comes to the drivers here. Right, like it's just so, many things the drivers do here to me are stupid, retarded and just asinine. Right, they flash their lights. I've talked about it for everything. Like you know, in the States you flash your lights to let someone know that either they don't have their lights on or their brights are on or there's a cop back there and I'm letting you know. That's basically it. I mean, yeah, they might, you know, signal something or whatever, but that's the gist of it. Here they use their brights, whatever, but that's the gist of it. Here they use their brights for a numerous amount of things. Hey, I'm coming through here. Hey, I'm right away, just nonstop. They're just like click, click, click, click, click. They're playing with the clitoris with their dimmer switch. You know what I'm saying? It's insane, dimmer switch. You know what I'm saying? It's insane.
Speaker 1:And I was just like, oh my gosh, it's so annoying, right, so I sit down to take the test and I'm going through it and you know it's asking some stuff and the thing is, too is like it. It's it's in English, but it's in bad English. So it's like I had to read the question a few times to make sure I understood what they're trying to say. It would be like single, what was it? There was one thing and I was like what is this saying? I had to read it. And the lady's like is it hard? And I'm like no, it's just, you know, it's like I'm like reading, make sure that I understand what it's asking before I try and pick the answer, you know. And then so I'm going through it and I just start kind of laughing, but not like in a funny, that's funny. It's more like oh my God, this is sad Joker. Laugh, you know what I mean Like hysterical, sad, like oh my gosh, my brain is just because they teach you to do the brights, like that.
Speaker 1:Like if you're on a road like this was one of the questions if you're on the road up against some, you know, on a two-lane road, in the opposite vehicle, whatever, and it was like who has the right of way? And I'm like well, it doesn't say anything about turning or you know what I mean, and it kind of says some other stuff, but it says flashing the lights. So I'm like that's why they fucking do that, because they're taught, because you'll be driving and somebody will flash their lights, even though it's like you know, when you drive in the states, you're, you're turning, right, you're, you're waiting for that opening, right, you're waiting for the space. Oh, there's an opening, okay, I'll turn. Well, here are the roads. They only have two lanes. There's no turning lanes and nobody gives way, nobody. So it's like it's.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's a fiasco. You have to force your way through, which I get. You know, sometimes you have no choice. But the thing is, is people still take that approach when there's space, you just got to wait. They can't wait Like they'll do, they'll turn, they'll wait for oh, ok, and they just start forcing their way like they have no patience to just wait for that little gap. Okay, now I'll turn, and so you'll just be driving.
Speaker 1:I'm driving normal and all of a sudden a car starts flashing its lights and then it pulls like turns in front of me and I got to like what the fuck it's like, dude, you can't just, you have. I have the right of way your turn. You know what I mean. But oh, I flashed my lights. So I'm just like, so, this thing that drives me nuts here. I see, I'm like, holy fuck, they actually teach this. I was like, dude, this is retarded.
Speaker 1:Plus, there was some other stuff that okay, I guess, but the thing is like a lot of it, like there was like oh, if you're on the country roads and you come up to a sharp turn at night, what should you do? And it was somewhat, but it's the flash your lights. The flash your lights so that somebody on the other side can know that somebody's there coming. But I'm like, if you're in your lane, if everybody stays in their lane and everybody has their lights on, there's no need for it. It's because people don't. They drive however the fuck they want, and they just drive and turn sharp and turn early. They don't stay in the lane. And that's why they have to do that, because somebody who's be turning would be turning in the opposite lane. But instead of like yo stay in your lane, oh no, here, flash your lights to let someone know, instead of teaching them to be a good driver, they're teaching people how to let.
Speaker 1:Does that make sense? I mean maybe yes and no, but like it's. You know, here you have to, or at least for me. I feel like I'm driving. I have to have good driving habits, for myself and for the other people. You know what I mean. Because they don't have it. They drive the wrong way.
Speaker 1:They drive they like today when I dropped my son off at school, where it's just just like it's the worst time of the day in the morning and there's a two lane road and then there's the shoulders, but then there's a turn to the college on the right and there's like cars waiting to turn in. You got cars waiting to turn left out of the college, but then there's like the cars are bumper to bumper because it's going through this hospital. It's like just shit traffic, right, nobody can go anywhere, like everybody's stuck, basically because, yes, there's a lot of traffic, but it's also because you have people who will stop and do a three-point turnaround on a highway in the middle of this bustling traffic area to turn around, instead of having brain cells and just going down the road and turning off and turning around and getting back in. You know what I mean. So, yes, the roads aren't the greatest and what I mean. I'm not saying like they have lots of potholes and stuff. There are those, but they're just it's not designed very great, very great, very good. There's not too many lights. They've upgraded the lights here, which was only one light here, but then they added one which is nice a little down in another town. But so there is progression.
Speaker 1:But what the problem is is because you have so many people that just drive however the hell they want. They drive like how they would in the farmlands, out in these vacant roads and whatever, and they take that same driving on these main streets and they just without a care, without whatever. And that's why it's really sucky, because everything's got to stop, because this one idiot wants to do a three point turnaround because they're stupid and lazy, and this is like every fucking driver. They all do this. I've said it before. Take that one asshole in the states who, driving the wrong way on a one-way, coming out the wrong side of the parking lot uh, almost hitting you, doing just the stupid ass shit going really slow through the light, taking forever so that nobody can get through the light, all that. Take that one person that you come across, you know, once, once a week or whatever. Now flip it and everybody's like that here, and then you have a little small percentage that actually can drive.
Speaker 1:It drives me insane. And so usually my wife drives when we go places. Sometimes I'll drive, but gosh, and I, you know, I do, like I said, drop my kids. I do go out there and drive and stuff, but it is just, oh my gosh, I can't, I can't take it. So I hear like weird noises.
Speaker 1:I'm thinking I have some sort of filter on, anyway, so that's why the traffic is shit. You know what I mean? Because you got a lot of people, plus filipinos, like they leave late, they have no, they're not punctual at all, they're always late. So everybody's like leaves their home late and they're all rushing again. You know, and you know I was like that too. People do that in the states, but like it's, it's an epidemic here and so you have all that put together and it's just you get stuck and you can't move anywhere because this guy can't move, this guy can't move there. You know what I mean? Because nobody can just stop. Oh crap, it's bumper to bumper. I'm gonna stop right here so I can let people in the college, whatever. You know, nobody thinks that way. Nobody has compassion for other drivers.
Speaker 1:Case in point I'm here at the entrance to the college, or one of the entrances, you know it's bumper to bumper. Like I said, people are trying to get out and there's this dipshit that pulls in to where you would pull in, where I'm trying to get to, and he stops, blocks the entryway so nobody can get in. So there's a car who's turning into the school, who's blocking the people coming out so nobody can go anywhere until this fuckface drops off his student and then can go. It's like they think this is fine, let me just, let me just fuck up the traffic for everybody, be inconsiderate to everyone else, so I can just pull over. It's like, dude, pull over to the side somewhere so you're not blocking. It's like the common sense in this country is just non-existent. It's insane. That was like I was like oh my gosh. I was like I cannot, this is actually. I was like a little irritated. But when that happened, that's when I started like, I was like also like laughing, like oh my God, this is a fucking circus, it's Mario Kart, this is insane. Oh my God, this is a fucking circus. It's Mario Kart, this is insane.
Speaker 1:So back to the DMV. You know I'm taking this test and so much of it just makes no sense, but I'm able to determine I got a 52 out of 60. I didn't study for shit, barely except for what I said. But I'm convinced that if I would have took this test when I first got here like if I would have got here in that week of I would have oh, I need to get my license I probably would have failed. You know what I mean, because I've seen how the people drive and here I thought it was just retarded habits that people just kind of, you know, just like they don't teach you to flash the guy oncoming to let you know there's a state patrol back there, slow down. You know, they don't teach you that. That's just something that people learn from each other, right, and that's what I kind of thought this was. But then I'm sitting here taking the test and I I'm like, oh my God, they teach this shit. And so I mean I knew the answer. But at the same time I was like what the fuck is this? And I'm clicking, you know, and it was just like oh.
Speaker 1:So then I take the test and they're doing everything, taking, just like dmvs do, right. And so the lady you know I'm getting my finger I can't hear what the hell she's saying because they're behind a plexiglass and I'm trying to listen to the hole and she's like, you know, I'm like, okay, doing this, do this, do this. She's like here, sign this. I can see, like what my license is going to look like, and so for a minute I was like kind of looking to make sure they had my name right and stuff, and and then she starts to print it and I'm like, oh cool, I'm getting my license already. That's cool. Um, which didn't happen. She actually, they're like we have to, because you're a foreigner, we have to mail it through the postal service and they'll mail it to you to it's to like ensure you know I'm not lying about my address or that I live there, I guess I don't know which. Okay, that's fine, whatever.
Speaker 1:But the thing is, when they did that and they gave me like the little temporary license paper, right, I come walking out and it's got the wrong address, sort of. So the addresses here are not, like in the States, what is given for my address, like for Amazon and for anything, is not the actual address of where I live, like the house number and everything is nowhere near on that, it's just the barangay or the neighborhood. So I have a number attached to the barangay or neighborhood that I live in and they just know by name. Okay, here this goes to this neighborhood, and then they know where this name, who they are and where they live. You know what I mean. It's small town kind of stuff they are and where they live. You know I mean it's small town kind of stuff. So because, like, yeah, it's just what the post office accepts for an address is nowhere near what the official address is. Um, like, okay, I'm gonna explain this, but without giving my actual address. So it's like, okay, I'm gonna explain this, but without giving my actual address.
Speaker 1:So it's like Barangay or Barangay 27. Um, uh, buta, kuta, slash, something, something. And then it's the city and you know what I mean. So it's like the, it's, it's. I forget what the first thing is called, though, like, it's like, and then in the barangay there's like separate areas and that's where we live, when my actual would be like, you know, house number 311, washington Street, and then blah, blah, blah, kind of like you know in the States or wherever, but they don't do that.
Speaker 1:Like I was here for a long time before I realized the name of my street was actually a name. You know what I mean, I had no idea. Like they call it something else. They're like, oh, it's this to what to call it something else. They're like, oh, it's this to what because it goes to somewhere else and it's like what? It's just, it's weird, it's, that's one of the weird things, but that's the cultural difference here. But that I accept. You know people, oh well, you live in another country. It's like, okay, well, yeah, there's lots of things that are strange, that are the norm here, that I I.
Speaker 1:The thing I can't accept is just stupidity and retardation of certain things. Like, just like this isn't culture, this is stupidity, you know, sorry, but it's, you know, just the things they do, I don't know, anyway. So my temporary license had the wrong barangay number on it, you know, and actually I didn't even catch it, I was just kind of reading Again, I was like more worried about my name and stuff like that that they had that right. And then my wife sees it and she's like they got the wrong and I'm like, oh man, so she goes in there. But they can't just fix it goes in there, but they can't just fix it, they have to. She has to get a letter from our barangay captain which is like the little like a like a mayor type thing for the neighborhood to do a letter to turn into the back to the, you know, to the dmv, like all this work. So you got to get a hold of all these, do all this stuff because of a simple mistake that they made. Actually, because I can't, I'm not going to get into it, but you had to do like a portal and log in to get like a login id, whatever. And someone did that for us which was nice, you know, helping us get whatever, but they put in the wrong one and it wasn't our fault, um, and it just, but it just that simple little mistake turned in. We had to come back the next. It's just like this huge thing and it's just like this is retarded, like why, just for I don't know, but we got it done.
Speaker 1:So what's today? It's thursday for me, so saturday, maybe monday, I should be getting my license and then with that I can have access to my VA benefits again and various other things. So that's kind of it's been 30 minutes. I didn't talk about anything on here on my little list. That's all right.
Speaker 1:Let me know I see a lot of people in other countries Germany, always Germany. I don't know, it must be. I'm thinking it's gotta be like Americans or expats that live there. Let me know, if you listen to me regularly and you're in Germany, are you a German listener or are you, you know, soldier, expat that comes, that happens, to listen to it? Anyway, I'm just kind of curious.
Speaker 1:Other countries though, you know, is it similar to my experiences and the things I gripe about? Or you know, I mean I'm assuming, obviously Philippines is not the worst in the world, because I never. I hear India is horrible as far as traffic and driving and everything, you know, but I've never been there. I hope to never go there. Sorry, india is horrible as far as traffic and driving and everything, but I've never been there. I hope to never go there. Sorry India.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I just I don't know, and it's like I really try not to be mean and hateful, but it's just when they, you know, the flashing of the lights is annoying, when they, you know the flashing of the lights is annoying the way they, I don't know, do other things I talked about. I can't even think of what it was I mentioned earlier. You know that kind of stuff is annoying, but when they drive like complete idiots and it just disrupts, it's not even just, it's not just disrupting me, it's disrupting all the traffic around. It's like that's stupidity, man or and or laziness. It's like how do you not realize that you're causing all this disruption by stopping and blocking everybody to let your, your, your, your family member out to go to the school? If you don't want to pull down in there, that's fine, but don't block everyone else because it's easier for you. You know, it's like man and I wouldn't do.
Speaker 1:When that happened, I laid on my horn. That's one thing. Here, though, like they really don't like the horn. Like a little ink they're fine, but when you lay on it they get all offended. So I was just like I held that shit down and people were like who the hunk has younger than me, what? But but I mean, even a little honk will piss me off. There's people that maybe not so much now, but when I I first got here, they would do a little honk at a mic, and they're honking to say hi, and I was like you know, I was all pissed off, but anyway, yeah, that's it. Um, thanks for hanging out. Appreciate your time, let me know your driving experiences and DMV experiences, preferably outside the US, and I'll see you guys next time. All right, god bless and bye.
